5 Years

Tomorrow it will be 5 years that I found out I was pregnant with Erik.

It seems like a different world now. 5 years ago we were heading into babyhood and now we are leaving it. Hannah is now nearly one and a half and although the light at the end of the tunnel is very tiny, it is there.

We are done. In my last post a year ago I was still unsure but now I am pretty much certain. While I have loved the babyhoods of my 2 kiddos I don't think I can do it again. I am ready to move into the little kid era when Hannah gets there about 6 months from now.

I'm in disbelief though that I can say 5 years ago with Erik. I have no idea how time could have gone so fast.

2 1/2 years later

Well, no one reads this blog anymore so this may as well just be for me.

What a difference 2.5 years make. Hannah Marie was born September 15th 2009, just over 5 weeks ago. I got the little girl I secretly desperately wanted. The month I got pregnant was the month Soeren said he wanted to try for a second child. Although we had not been using any birth control since Erik was born Soeren wanted to try naturally - I started talking about IUI's after a few months. 4 weeks after that conversation I found out to my complete disbelief I was pregnant. We got pregnant completely on our own.

The baby boy whose pregnancy I had written about is now 3 years old. How did Erik get so big? How is it that toddler hood has completely fallen off him and he is now a little kid.

I can be done. We may want a third one day, but most likely we are done. If we decide to go for 3 and it doesn't happen I can be more then content with my beautiful 2. My boy and my girl. I would never have thought I would be so blessed.

I don't have to go back. Back to the pain I can only remember when I re-read my old posts. Infertility can now be my past. I never ever have to go back. Thank God.

Starting Again- Random Thoughts

I have decided to start blogging again. Who will read this, I don't know. I've stopped posting when I became pregnant. I have decided to start up again because lately I have been thinking of trying again and wanted a place I could post my thoughts.

I have renamed by blog. It seems to fit right now. Thats how I feel. I want to be able to write about Erik on this blog, and about others things at random but I also want to be able to write about my feelings/ frusterations of entering this world of infertility again. So I start again today, my very fist mothers day and Erik's nine month birthday.

Looking back, my struggle to become pregnant was not nearly as difficult as so many stories I have heard about and read about. It only took 3 medicated cycles of IUI to get Erik. It was the not knowing what was going to happen that was the worst. Thats kinda where I am now.

Soeren and I have started talking about another baby. If we were part of the fertile world we would not be having this conversation for another year or so, but due to my high FSH levels we can't wait. Below 10 is what a normal FSH level is. When I was ttc my number was a 10. Next month I will be going for bloodwork. If my levels have not improved then we are not waiting and will more then likely begin ttc again soon. I don't know what that means yet, ttc . Do we try naturally for a little while? I feel like we should. However since Erik was born we have not been using birth control. Although I am nursing , my regular cycles have returned quite a while ago and we always seems to have sex when I ovulate. I guess we are trying, we are certainly not preventing. But every month like clockwork af arrives. Not that I want a baby now, I DON'T. I'm not ready yet, it feels like I was just pregnant and I just can't go through all that again so soon. I just wish it were my choice, that if I wanted another baby now I could have one.

I feel like there is a lot more to add, but I must stop this here and start preparing for work tommorow.

Nine months later

I doubt anyone will wonder back here, most of this I am writing for myself.

I just read through my posts from last January. I am sitting here with a beautiful baby boy in my arms. Erik was born 6 weeks early on August 13th and is a healthy and happy newborn.

I can't believe it sometimes when I look at him. He is my miracle, and I am so thankful to have him.

The past nine months have had there ups and downs. All in all my pregnancy was a wonderful journey that I have the fondest memories of.
It's hard to believe time flew by so fast, and that he is here already.

Leaving........

This was kinda a hard decision for me to make, but I think for now I am going to stop posting on my blog.
I started a website on babies online and I think from now on I will post there.

When I first started my blog I only really expected Larissa and Michelle to comment on it, but it turned out I met a lot of amazing ladies who gave me great encouragment and advice. I wish I would have started this blog a year ago, because I could have really needed it:)

For some reason, I get a feeling of sadness when I read my blog. Being so early in my pregnancy I can't deal with all the things I felt while I was ttc. I have a good vibe from this pregnancy, but it is still hard not to worry. I don't know if this makes sense, but I need to let go of my infertility. It will always be a part of who I am, but for now I really need to let it go and focus on whats coming up. Even if God forbid something happens to this pregancy, I don't think I will let the weight of my infertility come back. It feels good that no matter what happens, I am able to get pregnant. If something happens, I will focus on that.

I don't know. Nothing I am saying right now is coming out the way I want it to. All you ladies on here are amazing and I wish you all luck in getting pregnant as fast as possible. So many of you have been at this a lot longer then I have. I feel lucky to have found all of you.

Timea

Bedrest

Wow....so 4 weeks and 4 days into my pregnancy I am already on bedrest.

I called my dr. about the spotting I have been having and they told me it was completely normal, but to play it on the safe side, if it was possible bed rest for a couple days might help. It feels like so far that has been all I have been doing. From the time we came home on Friday night I have been lounging around the house.

Every day the spotting gets lighter and today there was almost none of it, but then suddenly there was some pink spotting, but I think it is almost gone again. So many people have told me in the past that spotting is completely normal, but I would prefer not to see it.

I am really anxious for my appointment on Feb 8th. I think seeing the heartbeat will really make me feel better.

Its weird how there are little changes. Like my breasts are getting a little bit sore. And I have been feeling this tugging sensation in my uterus, which is pretty cool. I get tired REALLY easily and get dizzy fairly easily too. I am getting a little quesy in the mornings after I eat.

It really is weird being pregnant. My life really did suddenly change, mostly because my family really doesn't want me to go to work in Mexico anymore. They want me to either work in our San Diego office or set up an office at home. I am already going stir crazy in my house and I loved working in Mexico. Of course my baby is my main concern, but work really used to be my life. Now my dad calls me if I feel up to making a phone call and stupid things like that, and I just want to scream that I am not an invalid. I can still do things, especially because my child is the size of a dot right now. I am thrilled to be pregnant, but I am just shocked at how many things have already changed. And as much as I try not to think about it, I am so scared I will lose this pregnancy.

I just want to be in the second trimester already, or least hear the heartbeat.

Insomnia

Is apparentely one of my first pregnancy symtoms. I have had it all week now, but at least now I know where its coming from. I also have a bad cold, and now I can't take anything for it, so sleep is definately not going to happen.

It's a weird feeling to be pregnant. I finally have what I waited so long for. I hate to say this though, but I thought all that worry from not being able to concieve would just vanish 0nce I got pregnant.Not the case. It's like it all shifted over to " what if something happens". I am trying to worry as little as possible, because I know it is completely out of my hands, but it's still hard. One of the things I hate is that I have been spotting on and off for a week. It's just brown spotting, which I heard is normal, but I still wish it would just go away.

I never thought I would find out I was pregnant the way I did. After my bloodtest I went to the airport to once again try to track down my dads empty suitcase from his trip to Budapest 6 weeks ago ( I have been going to American Airlines baggage claim since then only to have nobody be able to tell me where it is or to be told it has been flown to Dallas ). So it took me awhile to get the information of the latest place the suitcase was before I got home. When I got home Soeren jumped out the front door with the hugest smile on his face. I just thought he got an A on some homework assignment or something. He shouted " We're pregnant" and I swear I didn't even believe him.He had to say it a few times and then I think I just dropped everything I was holding and started crying.

We ended up telling Soerens parents, my parents and my best friend yesterday. Everyone was really happy.My mom even started crying. I am going to tell my uncle in Hungary this morning and then thats it until 12 weeeks. God forbid if something happens, these are the people I know I could talk to and would have wanted them to know.

Well, I guess this is long enough now. It's still only 6 a.m. and I have already been up for about 2 hours. I am gong to rest a lot today and try to get the spotting to stop.