I have a weird thing with remembering dates and numbers. I never forget peoples birthdays, I can remember phone numbers in a heartbeat, etc.
In the past 16 months, I have always figured out my due date just in case the particular cycle I was on was the lucky one. I can go back to May and let you know when I would have been due every month.
Some edd's when they have come around have hit me a little hard. Most I didn't even notice.
Todays is one that has really stuck in my brain. Nine months ago was one of those cycles that I was sure I was pregnant. It was also the cycle that I decided if I was not pregnant something had to be wrong and that we would begin fertility testing. I remember I was thinking I would be due Jan 6th, and how close that was to Christmas.
It's pointless to think about these things, but how differant would life be had I actually been pregnant. I would have been one of those women that took slightly longer to concieve, but thats it. I would be having a baby around now.
It's just weird to think about.
Instead I am here in my sweltering shop ( is it normal for it to be like 90 degrees in January?) wondering once again if maybe this is the month. And once again I am at that point where things can go one way or the other. I will either be pregnant this month and be thrilled that IUI worked and think how close I came to IVF, or I will be starting IVF.
I just don't want to be sitting here at the end of September still struggling with infertility and thinking if only that last IUI worked I would be having a baby right now.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
This post made me cry really hard... it might also be the red wine... or the impending miscarriage.
I know how you feel.
xoxo
You remember other peoples birtdays! Wow! You remember all of your would-have-been due dates? Wow again.
I remember neither, which I now see is a good thing. That's sadness twice a month, estimated due date and cd1. I'm sorry to hear this.
I do think of what could have been, like when I see my friend's second child, the one she had after we started trying.
Oh me too. I remember all the dates. Awful. There are so bloody many of them now!!
Post a Comment