Starting Again- Random Thoughts

I have decided to start blogging again. Who will read this, I don't know. I've stopped posting when I became pregnant. I have decided to start up again because lately I have been thinking of trying again and wanted a place I could post my thoughts.

I have renamed by blog. It seems to fit right now. Thats how I feel. I want to be able to write about Erik on this blog, and about others things at random but I also want to be able to write about my feelings/ frusterations of entering this world of infertility again. So I start again today, my very fist mothers day and Erik's nine month birthday.

Looking back, my struggle to become pregnant was not nearly as difficult as so many stories I have heard about and read about. It only took 3 medicated cycles of IUI to get Erik. It was the not knowing what was going to happen that was the worst. Thats kinda where I am now.

Soeren and I have started talking about another baby. If we were part of the fertile world we would not be having this conversation for another year or so, but due to my high FSH levels we can't wait. Below 10 is what a normal FSH level is. When I was ttc my number was a 10. Next month I will be going for bloodwork. If my levels have not improved then we are not waiting and will more then likely begin ttc again soon. I don't know what that means yet, ttc . Do we try naturally for a little while? I feel like we should. However since Erik was born we have not been using birth control. Although I am nursing , my regular cycles have returned quite a while ago and we always seems to have sex when I ovulate. I guess we are trying, we are certainly not preventing. But every month like clockwork af arrives. Not that I want a baby now, I DON'T. I'm not ready yet, it feels like I was just pregnant and I just can't go through all that again so soon. I just wish it were my choice, that if I wanted another baby now I could have one.

I feel like there is a lot more to add, but I must stop this here and start preparing for work tommorow.