Well, another holiday season is almost over. I don't know about everyone else, but for me Christmas couldn't be over fast enough. I'm European, and we celebrate on the 24th, the actual day was okay, I got a little upset in the car on the way to my parents. But then altogether it wasn't too bad.
I just told myself that this will be the last holiday I don't have a baby. It's weird though, because next year at this time I really will have a baby or be pregnant, or I will be looking at the fact I probably won't be having biological kids.
Af showed up on Sunday. Monday morning I was back at the doctors. The good news is that they gave me $2,000 worth of free injectibles!!! That was awsome. It means this injectibles cycle is going to be really cheap for me.
The ultrasound itself was odd. He thought I might be pregnant ( because I guess of what he saw of my lining ), but then I told him the blood test and HPT's said I am not. Then he just said weird. That's a lovely diagnosis. Weird- just what I want to be.
There was also a cycst, but thankfully not on my ovary, so the injectibles is still a go this cycle:)
The is however concerned that my FSH level is 10. After this cycle it is definatley time to move on to IVF.
What also stinks is that I can't do that shared risk program. Your FSH levels need to be under 10 to qualify, so I guess I am out. With my high levels, I produce less eggs , so I won't have as many eggs as women my age have. It might take me a few tries of IVF. Hopefully not though.
At least my dr. put a new fear into my mind. He said that he won't know the quality of my eggs until we do IVF. I am now terrified that my eggs are going to be less then stellar. I know there is no point in worrying , but this is a big thing for me. I always thought IVF was a sure thing for me, I don't really want to think about the fact that there is a possibility I may not have a biological child.
I know I am getting ahead of myself. It just gets so overwhelming at times.
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3 comments:
It's hard not to get overwhelmed and start thinking about the future and all the what if's. Try to stay hopeful. Hoping this will be your cycle and you won't need IVF.
It's great that you got free meds. Glad you survived Christmas.
Timea,
That's great news about the meds! Where is the cyst, exactly??
Hoping that you won't have to worry about that FSH level much longer...
Try not to think too far ahead. It will only make you crazy.
All along this IF journey I kept falling into the "unlikely 10%"
It was unlikely that I had anything more serious than a short luteal phase which could easily be treated with hormone therapy -- I have PCOS, tubal disease, and stage I endo.
It was unlikely that I would need IVF and should have had luck with injectible cycles with timed intercourse -- I was benched 3 out of 4 times.
It was unlikely that there would be any problems retrieving my eggs as my ovaries love to go into over production -- the right ovary was impossible to reach and over 20 eggs were wasted.
It was unlikely that we would have to do ICSI as dh's sperm analyses were always well above average -- the sperm had a bad day on retrieval date. ICSI was done.
and then ALL nine of my embryos were deemed mediocre.
If I had known all that crap from the beginning??? I wouldn't have followed through. Don't think about the possibility of poor eggs or poor embryos or anything else. We have to do all we can in this battle against infertility. ALL we can.
WONDERFUL news about the medications!! I don't trust my clinic to give my left-over medications to the needy, so I want to find someone on my own who might need them. I'll never do IVF again, I can't afford it... so if this turns badly for me, I'm done with the battle. This is my last stand.
but I'll keep cheering for you!
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