No, af didn't show today.
I don't really know when to expect her, as I am taking progestrone, but I am on CD 23 and usually my cycles are not more then 27 days.
This is the time of month where infertility really hits. This is when I find out that once again, this cycle didn't work, and I have to do everything all over again in a few days.
I'm sorry if these posts seem really down, but these days aren't really good for me.
Last night dh and I got into a huge fight. So bad that he slept in the guest room, which he never did before. It was over something stupid. Last night before meeting friends to go see a movie, we were thinking of a lie we could tell everyone why we couldn't go to Big Bear for New Years. While we would love to go, it looks like the IUI's will be happening around those days. My parents also offered to take us on a cruise, but we had to decline that also.
Dh seemed okay with it, but then after the movie he said we could always just go. The thought of postponing a month is unbearable. I was kinda stunned since he seemed okay with the idea of staying home. Anyways a huge fight started. I said some pretty bad things that I rather regret saying. I just feel that we are hitting this rock bottom in infertility. It's always there and I can't get away from it. So many desicions and plans are made always with treatment and where we are in a cycle in mind.
I don't really talk to my friends anymore either. I want too, but their problems sound so easier then mine. I can give advice to them on how to handle the stress of school and issues with dating, but they can't relate to the pain that comes with not being able to have a baby.
Before our huge fight, dh was trying to be helpful. He asked me if I really wanted to do another injectibles cycle, or if I just wanted to move on to IVF right away. I thought about it a little, but I really want to try injectibles one more time. I just don't see why this is not working. I made good eggs, dh sperm count was good, so what the hell?
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3 comments:
There are always those days when IF just brings us down...sorry you had one of those. I know how hard it is and how emotional and frustrating it can be. I can relate to not talking to your friends that often. It's hard to listen to others when you're facing so much pain and disappointment. I understand you wanting to give IUI one more try and I hope it works for you.
I'm sorry you ended up having a big row. This is just so stressful on a relationship. I do hope this time works for you.
Jeremy and I had big fights over the summer. I took a break after the last failed injectible cycle, and now that we're in the IVF 2 ww I can truly say this cycle has been much better.
If you aren't ready to postpone, then don't -- but if this injectible cycle doesn't work, take a break. All of us need a break from this.
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