Another Reality

I wonder a lot what my life would be like had I not had trouble concieving.
I know it doesn't help to think about this stuff, but sometimes I can't help it.

What would my life be like had I been like 85% of the population and would have gotten pregnant right away.

The month before we started trying we almost thought we were pregnant. I was late and I took one of the digital pregnancy tests. The test didn't work, but when I took the stick out there were 2 very visible lines. Not reading the instructions properly, I thought for sure this meant a positive. I remember feeling excited and scared and telling dh that we might have a baby on the way.

Obviously I was wrong. And while I was writing the above paragraph I realized that is how we started trying. When I found out I really wasn't pregnant, I wanted to start trying for a baby.

That would have remained the story of how I started ttc. In an alternate reality though I would have happily announced a pregnancy a couple of months later. I would have a 4-6 month old now, getting ready for the babies first Christmas.

All of this is really great thinking when I want to throw myself a pity party:)

However, I also think of another alternate reality I was so lucky to escape.

This past summer I started getting horrible bruises on my legs. They were the size of baseballs they were so huge. This is exactly what happened to my grandmother before she found out she had leukamia. So I went to the Dr. and he basically thought it was either 1. unexplainable 2. a vitamin overdose from all the prenatal and fertility vitamin or 3. leukamia. A blood test determined everything for me.

It was not leukamia.

So, instead of sitting in an onocology ward right now, bald and trying to figure out how much longer I had to live, I get to be healthy and I get to have the privelege of going to the Reproductive Endocrinologist to focus on having a baby.

Sometimes its easy to get caught up in wanting it all. I may think my situation stinks, but there is someone of there who didn't get so lucky with their diagnosis, who thinks that I have everything.