HPT's have a vendetta against me

I think the title of my post says it all.

I tested this morning and it was a BFN.

I'm feeling pretty crappy, but it's that familiar crappy that I have been feeling for the last year and a half. After all , this is the 753 pregnancy test I have taken. I am used to seeing that single line.

I'm still letting a little piece of myself think that it may have still been too early. As odd as it sounds, I bought a test that wasn't the most sensative. I guess so that I could sit here and still have a glimmer of hope.

I am thinking that I really am ready to take more drastic measures. I will do this injectibles cycle one more time, and then after that immediatly IVF.

The only question I have with IVF is how many embryos I will make. I only have about 6 follicles on my ovaries at the start of my cycle, most women have like 20. Does that mean the max amount of mature eggs I will have is 6?

I really don't understand why this is not working. I had two good eggs, dh had a good count.Why didn't it work???

Interestingly enough, after 16 cycles, these are the last pregnancy tests I will take ( at least until I am ready to have baby #2, assumiong baby #1 will happen someday ) I will be just having bloodwork done at 16 dpo from this point on. Like I said in previous posts, I was scheduled to have a blood test this coming Thursday- but that is just too close to Christmas from me. The last thing I need is hearing on Christmas Eve that the test was negative. This way I have about a week to get used to it. I'm not going to go to the bloodtest on Thursday. I will probably take a couple of more HPT's before then and if they are still negative I will see no need to go in for the test.

My mom talks to my uncle almost every day now about the new baby. She says he sounds beyond happy about having a new grandson. It just kinda stinks. I know how bad both of my parents want to be grandparents.

Last year at this time I was going through this exact same thing. I was in Europe and all my family was asking me about babies and telling me that it's time I had one. After 2 days into our trip dh went on to Germany and I stayed in Hungary for another week. That week by myself was the last week of a 2ww. I remember seeing dh at the airport when I met him in Germany and how badly I wanted to tell him he was going to be a father. I ended up getting my period that night.

At this point I just can't believe that there are actually people out there who don't have to go through this. I can't believe there are people who get pg on cycle 1. And after only having sex.
After ultrasounds ,the shots in the belly, the HCG trigger , 2 IUI's and then the progestrone twice every day and lets not forget the $1,500 I spent on this cycle I can't believe I have nothing to show for it. I am on some type of meds every day of my cycle except for the first day. I don't know what else I need to do.

Well, so anyways it starts again. Mentally preparing myself for af, that will probably show up around Christmas.